Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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