i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
