Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
