I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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