We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
