What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
