I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
ok first of all what the fuck
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize