I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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