I want to make a zoo with you.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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