Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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