dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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