I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
