420 ftw
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
