while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
