I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize