VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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