I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize