420 ftw
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
