I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
