I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
kristin has been a bad kristin
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
