@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
