I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
