don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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