ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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