so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
