yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
