Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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