i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
