We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We had sex on a dog bed..
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
