Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
