Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
