New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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