put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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