I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
