Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize