All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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