I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
