so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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