I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
