Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We have started to decorate penises.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
