so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize