so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's Friday. Sex?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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