Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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