Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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