Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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(325): View more from Texas

Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?

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(727): View more from Florida

Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.

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(305): View more from Florida

You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!

(305): View more from Florida

Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch

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