New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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