It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
