So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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