3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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