I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
