I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
