well you can't waste a boner
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
