I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
accomplished twins. life is a go
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
