Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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