he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there was a trapeze. enough said
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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