he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
