her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
