Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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