i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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