sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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