Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
