hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
