Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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