My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When are your genitals available?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
