His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
