You really coming over, don't trick.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize