what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
