Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
