He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
