U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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