I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
