I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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