Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
