Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
