I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
