fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
