Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We need a shit load of segways right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
