It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
