watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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