my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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