I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
