im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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