I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Redeem this text for a blowjob
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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