I think I died a long time ago.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
