did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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