Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize