Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Damn victory sex feels great
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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