The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
