Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Randomize
