I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When did angry sex become our thing?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
