Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
