Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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