You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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