Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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