i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
