So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
