I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
