just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize