My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
