I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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